com·ing-out (kÅm’Äng-out’) also coming out
n.
A social debut.
A revelation or acknowledgment that one is a gay man, a lesbian woman, or a bisexual person.
Source: https://dictionary.reference.com/browse/coming out
Ok so, in reality, somewhere along the line ‘coming out’ has lost its meaning of a woman’s debut into society to find herself a man. The term has been coined to refer to when we tell our friends, families,
Admittedly, and perhaps unfortunately, this isn’t something that happens just the once. You may have to come out to your friends and family separately, and then when you arrive at Uni, you have to start all over again with a bunch of new people. Then you start a new job, and that’s another load of people who don’t know. Coming out never stops, because as you are meet new people, you may need, or want, to tell them about your sexuality.
There is no set way to come out to all these people, and there is nothing saying you have to tell everyone. You may feel comfortable being open about your sexuality with some people, but not with others, and that’s completely natural.
Once you have decided who to tell, it’s important to think about how and when are going to do it.
The how of this is entirely up to you, you can speak to them in person, write a letter or a note, call on the phone or however you feel like doing it, even leaving copies of Attitude and Gay Times around can work!
Although, ultimately it’s your decision as to when you come out, perhaps bear in mind that once you have told a few people, the rest may be out of your control, so if you don’t want other people knowing, only tell people you trust. Also the following pointers may be of use:
Make sure you and the person you are telling have a decent amount of time, more often than not, it’s unhelpful to tell someone you are a lesbian and then saying, “sorry I’ve got to run I’ve got a bus to catch.”
Don’t tell someone when you are angry at them, or when they are angry at you. Sometimes it seems like a great weapon to be able to shout back “Well I’m Gay!” (resisting the urge to say ‘so nuuuuh’ afterwards)
As a guide, avoid events like Christmas Day, Birthdays or other Family gatherings or around the time of a close friend/relatives death.
Bear in mind the thoughts and feelings of the person you are telling. If it is unexpected, remember you have had a long time to at least partly get used to your sexuality. The person you have told will only have had 5 seconds!
Maybe these seem a bit basic, or maybe even obvious, but to be honest it’s all down to a good old bit of common sense. Let people know about your sexuality when you can tell them calmly and unhurriedly, they can digest the information and react normally (that is to say without any emotional pressures), and only do it because you want them to know.
Reactions?
Be prepared for different reactions. For some, the person they are telling may have already guessed and been waiting for this moment, for others, they may be completely shocked, angry, upset or disappointed.
From friends, particularly when a guy tells a girl he is gay, there may be reactions of “Oh I always wanted a Gay Best Friend!” if you’re uncomfortable with this, then don’t be afraid to say so. In fact, most people don’t fit the stereotypes that even their friends box them into, so just be yourself. If that challenges the stereotype, then great. If it fits the stereotype perfectly, then that’s great too.
And finally, just remember that no matter how hard it may seem at the time, very few people ever regret coming out, and you may look back and be able to laugh about it all.